Perhaps there is no such thing as an unbreakable tradition. Five years ago, Lunar New Year’s Eve in my hometown still passed in the nonstop sound of firecrackers that lasted until dawn. Under the government’s “strong encouragement,” however, this ancient tradition, carried on for more than a thousand years, disappeared in just a few short years. And now, on this silent New Year’s Eve, I sit alone remembering 2021, still holding on to the usual ritual feeling of saying goodbye to the old and welcoming the new.
Over the past year, the world and I both lived in the aftershock of Covid. We gradually gave up the fantasy of “defeating” the virus and began thinking instead about how to coexist with it. In mid-April , I ended my drifting law-firm internship across Shenzhen, Chongqing, and Nanjing, then enjoyed a month of idle time while suffering through acute otitis media. The June graduation season passed with the wind. I then moved again, this time to Hangzhou, and officially began life as a corporate worker.
As a so-called new first-tier city that tries to measure itself against Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and Shenzhen in every way, Hangzhou has long since lost its old medieval charm. It has become a gathering place for nouveau riche ambition, searching for direction amid aggressive infrastructure development and the smoky fever of the internet industry. In this strange gold-rush atmosphere, even so-called central state-owned enterprises have had to start preaching “entrepreneurship.”
I have never liked this mood, because behind every scene that appears vigorous and thriving lies the extreme exploitation of individual bodies and minds. Besides, beneath the tall buildings, the foundation of decline has already been laid. For people born in the 1990s like me, who have briefly tasted openness and freedom, the decline of civilization is visible to the naked eye. Along with that decline comes deep discomfort and pessimism.
Fortunately, even in a broader downturn, individuals can still move against the current. In 2021, with my parents’ help, I finally bought my first apartment, and I worked hard to pay for the renovation with my own income. In the near future, I will also marry Ms. Zhang and try to shoulder the responsibilities of a family.
Perhaps this is the last stubborn hope of someone supposedly “born proud” in a generally shabby age: to earn money cleanly, and to make people believe that earning money cleanly is possible. Though the person who first said something like this has now become one of the top livestream sellers on Douyin.
I have always believed that for human beings, suffering is a required course and happiness is an elective. That is why I often lack sympathy for the accidents of life that befall others, because in a broad sense, everyone is barely surviving inside uncertainty. But I also believe that people can, through effort, eliminate much of the suffering that lies beyond mere fate: by solidarity and individual effort, by removing institutional evil, by leaving violence and privilege nowhere to hide, and by creating limited fairness in an uncertain world.
At the beginning of the Year of Renyin, winter has indeed passed, and the spring wind is indeed about to blow. Although 2021 brought turning points, please do not forget the suffering still taking place on this land. Do not forget the evils and injustices that once made us angry, resentful, and sick.
I am still myself, still living with a sense of right and wrong, common sense, and reverence. It is only that, under omnipresent pressure from power, loud appeals have turned into irony and veiled sarcasm. May the world still be saved as long as the faint glow has not gone out.